From the archives:
Parenting doesn’t end when the graduation caps fly or the moving van pulls away.
It just changes form.
And for those of us who now find ourselves parenting adult children—navigating that sacred, complicated space between advice and silence—there’s a grace-filled lesson we must learn:
Not just in prayer.
Not just in our personal walk.
But in our parenting.
Specifically, in our willingness to admit where we got it wrong.
Our children don’t need perfect parents—they never did.
But what they still need, even as adults, is realness.
They need humility.
And sometimes, what they need most is for us to look them in the eye and say,
“I was wrong. I see now how I missed it there. And I want better for you.”
That kind of humility can heal old wounds, repair strained relationships, and—by the grace of God—keep the next generation from repeating the same mistakes.
The Bible says, “Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.” (Proverbs 13:10)
So many family fractures, so much tension, so much heartache could be avoided if both sides—parents and adult children—were willing to walk in humility.
For us, as parents, that means laying down our pride and owning the moments we fell short.
For our children, it means receiving wisdom without bristling against it.
It’s not easy.
But it’s biblical.
We are all sinners.
We’ve all fallen short.
“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)
We’ve all said things we shouldn’t have.
We’ve made decisions based on fear or fatigue or frustration.
We’ve parented out of habit instead of intention, reacted in the flesh instead of the Spirit.
There’s no shame in admitting it.
There’s power in it.
But that’s not where the conversation ends.
Because God’s mercy is new every morning.
And His grace isn’t just for us—it’s for our kids too.
If we can take what we’ve learned—the hard-won wisdom that only time and failure and repentance can teach—and offer it humbly to our children, we might just help them avoid some of the scars we carry.
We don’t need to offer lectures.
We need to offer testimony.
The psalmist wrote, “Come and hear, all ye that fear God, and I will declare what he hath done for my soul.” (Psalm 66:16)
What if we parented our adult children not by issuing decrees, but by declaring what God has done in our lives?
What if we stopped posturing and started testifying?
There’s something deeply powerful about a parent saying,
“I didn’t get this part right—but God showed me. And I want to pass that on to you, not as a criticism, but as a gift.”
Humility doesn’t make us weak—it makes us wise.
The Proverbs tell us, “When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom.” (Proverbs 11:2)
Too many adult children walk away from godly instruction not because they don’t love their parents, but because they don’t feel safe admitting their own struggles in the shadow of parental pride.
But when they see us willing to own our failures, to admit we’re still growing too, something shifts.
The relationship becomes less about authority, and more about legacy.
Our adult children don’t just need to know what we did right.
They need to know where we struggled—and how God met us there.
They need to know we don’t expect perfection from them any more than we achieved it ourselves.
They need to see that Christ is still working on us, just like He’s working on them.
It’s not our job to play Holy Spirit in our children’s lives.
It is our job to point to Him.
And nothing points more clearly than a humble, broken, surrendered heart.
So if the Holy Spirit prompts you to revisit a moment from your parenting—do it.
Not to relive shame.
Not to reopen wounds.
But to give glory to God for what He’s taught you since.
Our greatest failures, submitted to God, can become the very tools He uses to guide our children into victory.
“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.” (Psalm 51:17)
Let that be the legacy we leave behind: not prideful perfection, but humble perseverance.
Let our adult children see that we are still learning, still growing, still kneeling at the foot of the cross.
And may they find, in our humility, the courage to do the same.
Doing things differently,
Biblical Womanhood
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